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Hello people, hope ya’all are having a lovely evening?I spent a greater part of mine on the internet doing a research on the different small dog breeds and their characteristics because I’m looking at getting a new dog seeing as my old one is now a little mischievous and uncontrollable rascal who by the way is not with me anymore and also to bring some excitement into my singledom.Skip, skip…skip and oh that dog is so adorable and cute. I saidAwww, you should totally get that one. Says my kid sisThe adorable little bundle of joy is a breed by the name Bichon Frise.We scrolled down to the characteristics and I got the shocker of my dog loving life, which is that the little bugger is suicidal. These small breeds totally love and adore their owner, are possesive and strive on attention and love from their owners, they don’t do well being left alone for a long time and the effect is anxiety and eating off their own skin.As shocking as this discovery is to me (I guess some of you may have read or know about it), I realized the dependency trait is somewhat familiar and  it got me thinking about how similar this is to certain human relationships.A lot of relationships have this dependency trait and is usually found more in females though a couple of males suffer same tendency.Take a look at relationships around you and you will discover that about 85% of females are so emotionally dependent on the men in their lives for attention, love and care that they will practically freak/flip out when this is taken away.Allow me tell you a little story to further buttress this theory.A couple of years ago, a cold hard heart allowed the warmth of love to seep through her defenses and break down the rigid walls erected  by a bitter experience. The feeling was so exquisite and wonderful, she let it all go; the pain, hurt and humiliation. She learned to accept love and to love right back. However this feeling was not meant to have the all time popular happily ever after.Everyone around her thought the heart-rending experience was going to create an even colder and harder heart but alas she had experienced the warmth of love and decided to seek for more.She experimented and had fun but the one thing she learnt was never to be  emotionally dependent on any man or allow him be the core center of  her world. This lesson was soon forgotten when a charming gentleman swept her off her feet for the second time in her life. He spoiled her with love, care, attention and total devotion to her happiness. This lasted for four years until CABOOM its over.Then while travelling for a course, she met this hot Arabian. They quickly became friends, more like hommies actually. Text messages back and forth with the minimum been ten messages a day, phone calls during the day were more like MTN midnight calls. They shared anything and everything ; dreams, ambitions, aspirations, challenges etc.Soon friends became lovers. The insatiable urge to always be together unquenchable. Friends talked they couldn’t care less.Suddenly, he doesn’t call as much as he used to, the text messages became one-sided (her side) and even when she calls he hardly picks up only to call several hours later that he was busy.She took it all in good stride making excuses for him after all he still loved her. Then phone conversations reduced to one minute and sometimes fifty seconds without the customary “I love you”.Now she’s scared, she’s gonna lose him just like the others and become lonely again.The ugly state of loneliness where you don’t wake up in the morning to a wonderful text message telling you how much you’re loved or hearing his voice first thing in the morning or him travelling several miles just to be with you or wanting him to be the first person you share both the good and bad news with or sneaking out of the girls hang out just to tell him you miss him or texting him about the gbagaun Mr Usman made in corporate law class.She doubled her effort, increased the number of times she calls, sent messages that never received replies, complained about his attitude but the reply was the same “baby of life am busy”.She’s practically freaking out now, always checking his tweets, constantly calling  and texting him,checking his bbm display picture and status every nanosecond. It begins to affect her everyday life, she’s no longer the happy bubbling child of her parents or the forever funny big sis to her siblings. Nagging, crying and constant complaints became a trend in her life.Then it hit her, she had made him the center of her life.Sitting down to think, she realized the fact that Mr charmer had spoiled her with love, attention and care  and made her absolutely dependent on him for emotional fulfillment and that she had transferred that dependency to Mr Arabia. It also hit her that withdrawal of those elements she had gotten used to was gradually turning her into a psycho and a shadow of herself.She needed to be emotional independent both when single and when in a relationship.Emotional dependence on other people is a virus that slowly but surely turns the dependent into a clingy and needy psycho. It makes some suicidal like the Bichon Frise breed, others become a shadow of their bubbly self, some become full blown weirdos and some just totally lose it.The lesson from this is quite clear, everyone should learn to retain a certain level of emotional independence in their relationship.Some will disagree with me on this but like the old saying goes, different strokes for different folks.And yes I finally found the perfect breed, one who will love and adore me but still retain his emotional independence….. the Havanese.

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